![]() I booked an incredible airbnb in Damascus, PA where I’ve spent the past few days in quiet solitude reflecting on it all. ![]() But he saw my crisis and knowing me as he does, he knew I needed an escape.Īnd so I did. These are extra-magical words right now because he’s working on a time sensitive project and for me to step away for a few days meant that he had to take time off work at an inconvenient time. So that night, as all of this is pouring out of me, Jay listened and acknowledged my words and validated my feelings and then said those five magic words: “ You should take a trip“, and then he added a sixth magical word: “ Alone“. But without those other parts of my identity having an outlet and an anchor, I am restless and discontent. While I was ready to end the airbnb chapter, I was just as eager to use that time to start a new volunteer role. We also shuttered our airbnb, which was essentially my part-time job. Trips aren’t exactly in high demand these days, at least not the kind I help plan, so that’s temporarily gone. I’ve strived to honor those other parts of myself through various pursuits, like building my trip planning business, Gimme Trip. Don’t get me wrong, being with my kids is, by far, the most meaningful part of my life, but like any human, I am multi-dimensional and have diverse interests and goals. I have worked hard over the past six years of being a stay-at-home / homeschool parent to maintain my own individual identity and my own sense of meaning and purpose outside of the grind of motherhood. When the pandemic hit, I lost the tangible parts of my identity outside of “mom”. It turns out, lurking under all those sobs and all that depression was/is an identity crisis. And then all the words spilled out and all the feelings and allll the sobs. Sometimes I’m good for a quiet, low-key, controlled weep, but this was uncontrollable, physical, very much out in the open, and so my family saw what I didn’t have the words to say. The good thing about this hot, sobby mess is that I couldn’t hide it. ![]() About a week ago, maybe more, I hit a wall and wound up a hot, sobby mess. I guess this new feeling of gratitude and maybe-hope creeping in is because I got what I needed. Up until the other day, I was solidly in a depressed state of being. ![]()
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